Interesting thoughts....all brought on, no doubt, by...."things"...dates....and the ever-present insidious depression and visions that never quite goes away. You just learn how to handle it. Manage it. Tolerate it. Or not. It started with WHY EYE get little joy out of an area that's taken more than it's ever given.....including my soul mate. It transformed into visions of Nov 2, 2007...and that look...that feeling...those last moments...and wondering what was that feeling like for him...and that hopelessness of not being able to do anything about it then...nor now. It moved on to Mother's Day...which took me back to Dec 23, 1984,,,and wondering what those last moments were. Was there pain? Did she just slip away peacefully? WHY didn't she let me know when EYE KNOW she KNEW she was "slipping away?" And yet...knowing that answer already...for a loving Mom always protects her most precious from pain. Which, in turn, has me thinking about EYE will probably go thru this whole process in another month. Father's Day...you know. And even more than Mom, EYE was/am definitely HIS little "mini-me." Which takes me back to why EYE grind so hard. Entrepreneurship runs in the family. Caring too much about people who don't even care about themselves and constantly prove they don't give a rat's ass about YOU runs in the family. Struggling behind doing for others who were unworthy runs in the family.
However...so does triumph...and overcoming. EYE am my Parents' child. And this feeling too shall past. EYE just gotta make sure it doesn't delay my destiny with a better life and BETTER folks to connect and do business with. Learn from the past...cherish the memories....STOP focusing on what can never be changed for the better....and just go ON.
Random thoughts while working. Yeah...EYE really DO think very deeply. An obvious sin in most places in America. Especially "here." That's why EYE stay focused on "there." Where EYE'm going. Nothing left where EYE "was"...but memories and loss.
It's what SHE would have wanted....ALWAYS wanted. For me to go BEYOND this place...these draining spirits...and move onward to something much better and wonderfully FOR me. LOVE YOU MOM!! And being obedient.
They say the things that don't kill you make you stronger. Indeed. And still wishing.